A window to a soul

Pregnancy

How I wish I could go back to those innocent days of my pregnancy with Alex! I never remember being happier. Yet, I was very naive too, I never for one moment thought anything would go wrong. And that is why I took such a deep fall. I went from the happiest of happiest to the worse imaginable state of depression. How I wish somebody would have 'mentioned' to me the 'possibility' of something going wrong. There is a saying in my mother language, Italian, that says: Uomo avvisato e` mezzo salvato. That translates into: Man forewarned is already half-saved. Saved by grief? Probably not, but ever since Alex died I've talked to many people that have lost loved ones unexpectedly, and they are definitely in shock for a long, long time. If we know in advance of all the risks we are already half-prepared for the outcome, we can take measures to avoid the outcome....and that is what the quote means. The pregnancy with Nicky was a very different one. I was no longer innocent, and I knew from first hand experience that even if things went well, I could still lose the baby. There wasn't one day that I felt confident of the outcome. Then I started reading several studies done and I attended a Perinatal Bereavement Conference, and they both said how after 41+ weeks the incidents of fetal demise doubles, then triples and quadruples as time passes. Since I knew exactly what 'day' we conceived Nicky, therefore no guessing games whether I was actually as far along as I thought, I decided I didn't want to go as far along in the pregnancy as I did with Alex. However reluctantly, my Dr. induced at 37.5 weeks. In my mind I would much rather have a baby in NICU for a few days than having it die inside of me again. Sure, the overall odds of that happening again (and to me!) were extremely low, but not unheard of. I read about a lady who had 3 cord accidents in a row, so I didn't want to take any chances. Nicky was just fine, big, lungs going great, and as cute as a button. I never regretted my decision. And never will. I think women should be made aware of *all* the risks involved in pregnancy. Not to scare them, no. But so they can make intelligent choices for their future, and their baby's. Who knows? If someone would have put that bug in my ear that things can go wrong even in a wonderfully perfect pregnancy, I would have counted kicks more, paid more attention to every little twinge. Alex might be here today...

Childbirth

The medical community has improved dramatically over the past few decades. From finding cures to once deadly diseases to help couples have a baby through In Vitro Fertilization. Most of us will blindly trust doctors and nurses, and for good reason. A great percentage of them will know more about medicine and our bodies than we ever will. But when it comes to childbirth, all of a sudden many think that technology is not good. That nature knows best. I don't disagree that nature is great. But it will never be perfect, and that is why we have doctors and technology. Nobody ever said that doctors are perfect either. Doctors, like nature, make mistakes. Yet it's important to realize that the help doctors have given to childbirth greatly improved on nature overall. It's also important not to lose sight of what's at stake. Not to see the forest for the trees. A healthy baby and a healthy mom is what is really important, and the outcome we all want. As I said before I was induced 2.5 weeks early with Nicky out of my own will, and it's amazing how different I felt about this labor than I felt about Alex's. Knowing the baby was still alive inside of me was a strong motivator for everything that was happening. The labor went really fast at first, but then it slowed down drastically, and we found out that the baby was posterior presentation. At that point I wanted it over with and asked for a c-section, but I didn't get one. They rolled me around like a salami for 5 hours trying to turn the baby around, only succeeding in dropping the baby's heartbeat quite a bit. Finally a new doctor came in and said that, sure, the baby could come out vaginally, but not for who knows how long.... He also said that he was concerned because my water had broken almost 24 hours earlier and was afraid of infection. At that point I pleaded for a c-sec, and this time, I finally got one. I think it's great that technology allows for labor to be induced, for C-sections to be made, and for having all the medical equipment ready in case of any emergency. Women and babies used to die quite a bit during childbirth, just pick up any history book. Isn't wonderful that we never have to worry about that anymore... I have no regrets about Nicky's birth, even though his birth was far from perfect. I am healthy, and so is Nicky (aside the EB, of course!). You will never hear complaints here!!

You don't have to prove nothing to nobody, just take good care of yourself.
Don Henley

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